Do You Wanna Pick Me Up Family Guy

Family Guy (TV Serial)

Tea Peter (2012)

Glenn Quagmire : Hey you always accidentally masturbate to young pictures of your mom?

Peter Griffin : Who the fuck starts a chat like that? I just sat down.

Peter Griffin : Carter? Oh hey. Yous're involved with the Tea Party? Wait a infinitesimal. This is what Brian was warning me nearly: that the Tea Party is run by rich guys who are just out for themselves.

Carter Pewterschmidt : Brian? You mean that arrogant, unemployed canis familiaris of yours? Peter, he's just one of those liberal elites who spreads lies and hates patriots.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, he kinda is.

Stewie Griffin : Not to alert anyone but a guy took me into the closet to effort me on. I fit by the fashion.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : Welcome, everyone! It's great to come across and then many regular people out hither. Folks who are tired of large government and are ready to stand up for their rights.

Tea Party Fellow member : Yeah!

Tea Political party Member : Down with the Spend-o-crats!

Peter Griffin : We are Marshall!

Joe Swanson : Boy, they're actually against socialism.

Peter Griffin : That's right. The Tea Party is all about cocky-reliance. Look, in that location's even a Tunnel of Self-Honey.

[every bit customers enter the ride, they're each given a copy of Playboy magazine]

Ride Attendant : [to a customer coming out] Would you like to buy a photo of yourself on the ride, sir?

Male Customer : No, I would not.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All correct, now, remember, the Tea Party is a grassroots movement. We're non covered by the lamestream media, so we gotta reach out to the mutual human being individually.

Peter Griffin : Right, common man.

[he dials a phone number]

Woman on Telephone : [picking up] Hello?

Peter Griffin : Aw, jeez, information technology's... it's a daughter.

[Carter shakes his head in disapproval]

Peter Griffin : May I speak to the man of the house?

Woman on Phone : This is the woman of the house, and there is no man living here.

Peter Griffin : No? Westward-W-What is... I-I... how are you paying for this phone?

Woman on Phone : I'1000 a lawyer.

Peter Griffin : Oh, I see, and are yous in your trivial courthouse right now representing Barbie?

[she hangs up]

Peter Griffin : Okay, ane vote for the Tea Party.

Carter Pewterschmidt : All right, kiss regime goodbye.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, I can't await to burn all them city employees, starting with that half-comatose construction worker.

[cut to him in traffic approaching structure on the sidewalk; the worker holds up a stop sign while simultaneously waving him frontward]

Peter Griffin : What the hell? W-Due west-Which i is information technology, stop or go forrad? This is a large bargain. They're not at all similar.

[the worker turns his sign effectually, which reads "boring"]

Peter Griffin : Ah, no, no, no, no. You, sir, have lost my business organization.

[he gets out of the auto and walks abroad]

Carter Pewterschmidt : You and I are both businessmen who work hard and pay taxes. Except that I brand x,000 times what you lot make.

Peter Griffin : Yeah, nosotros're the same, you and me.

Carter Pewterschmidt : You know, Peter, the truth is, I could really use a regular guy like you to help get our message out, and I know Joe Workingman agrees with me.

[putting on his hard chapeau with a false wig]

Carter Pewterschmidt : Love to take yous on board, Peter.

Peter Griffin : Wow, thanks, Joe. You can count on me.

[Carter takes the disguise off]

Peter Griffin : Aw, Carter, yous just missed Joe Workingman.

Carter Pewterschmidt : [amused laugh] Oh, I retrieve he'll know I was hither.

[he starts laughing diabolically, and Peter joins in nervously]

Peter Griffin : I'm non sure what's happening.

Brian Griffin : The Tea Political party isn't the grassroots move you think it is. Information technology's really funded past big-business concern types who are using y'all to go the authorities out of their way so they can roll over everyone.

Stewie Griffin : Mom held hands with a adult female at the gas station this morning time. Don't know what that means. Just reporting it.

Brian Griffin : All I'm saying is you're being used and you're too clueless to know it.

Peter Griffin : Male child, you merely think you're so superior, don't you? Like that offset animate being to walk on dry state.

[cutaway]

Fish #i : Hey, where'd y'all go?

Second Beast : Ah, I went for a jog.

Fish #i : What's a jog?

2d Creature : It'southward a dandy way to stay in shape is what it is.

Fish #3 : Is it like a swim?

Second Beast : [condescening express joy] No, no, information technology'south, information technology'southward nothing like a swim.

Peter Griffin : Wow, a lot of people hither today.

Glenn Quagmire : Yeah. Man, I love street fairs. They got rides, games, and ethic food cooked horribly by white Americans.

Taco Lover #ii : [with a thick Bostonian accent] Tack-os! Hot tack-bone here!

Taco Lover : Oh, are those tack-os?

Taco Lover #2 : You better believe they're tack-os.

Taco Lover : I beloved tack-os! Especially on a corn tor-till-uh.

Taco Lover #2 : Oh! I beloved tack-os on a corn tor-till-uh!

Lois Griffin : Oh, hi, Peter. How was your rally?

Peter Griffin : Oh, it was cracking, and now I know information technology'southward the right cause to get behind 'cause a smart guy similar your dad is involved.

Brian Griffin : What? Carter was at the Tea Party rally?

Peter Griffin : Yes, he was running the whole thing.

Brian Griffin : Peter, what did I tell you about rich guys?

Peter Griffin : Wait, I know what you're thinking, Brian, but don't worry. It's all okay. Turns out yous're the enemy. They're the ones who are on our side.

Brian Griffin : [sarcastic] Oh, of course, Carter Pewterschmidt, an industrialist with oil refineries in this metropolis, is on your side. He wants to get rid of environmental regulations for you lot.

Stewie Griffin : Brian, he doesn't become sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : No, it'southward not just environmental regulations, Brian. Carter wants to get rid of the whole city government of Quahog. He even put me in charge of the PR entrada to do it.

Lois Griffin : Get rid of the government? Peter, if I know my dad, he's probably using you.

Peter Griffin : Lois, I'1000 then glad yous've done the dishes so that y'all can hang out and chime in on this.

Lois Griffin : Really, Peter, I haven't done the dishes.

Peter Griffin : Oh, yous haven't? Well, then, I'k confused.

Stewie Griffin : Oh, he does get sarcasm.

Peter Griffin : Howdy, at that place. May I assistance you folks?

Peter's Customer : Yes, my family and I would like our portrait painted.

Peter Griffin : Well, you came to the right identify.

[he reveals an easel and painting supplies]

Peter Griffin : [a few minutes later] Looking good. Almost done. And... there. Washed.

[showing them the finished painting, they see the begetter and son sitting normally, with the wife and daughter in their underwear kissing]

Peter'south Client : What have you washed?

Peter Griffin : I painted the truth. I painted my truth.

Tea Party Rally Speaker : And now, it's my privilege to introduce some other regular, blue-neckband guy, our Quahog chapter spokesman, Joe Workingman!

Carter Pewterschmidt : [with an patently bad disguise] Good afternoon, friends and socioeconomic equals! Is anyone else out at that place ill of government crap?

Peter Griffin : [as the crowd cheers] Oh, my God. It'southward similar he's saying everything I'm listening to.

Carter Pewterschmidt : That's right. The government wants to tell you what foods to eat.

[boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And what church you can go to.

[more than boos]

Carter Pewterschmidt : And that yous can't ain a chimpanzee because you're non responsible enough.

Peter Griffin : [more than boos] I would feed it!

Carter Pewterschmidt : Besides, the government wants to tell you how many children you lot can have.

John Herbert : [mortified] What? No!

Carter Pewterschmidt : And the government wants to tell y'all you can't throw your onetime TVs into the river.

Conseula : Then how I supposed to notice TV?

Carter Pewterschmidt : If yous join the Tea Party, together, we can fix all that. But you probably don't wanna bring together the Tea Party because all you lot get are these stupid, crawly keychains!

Joe Swanson : [subsequently a speech communication from "Joe Workingman"] I got to say, that guy made a lot of sense.

Glenn Quagmire : He sure did. The government'southward actually gotten out of manus.

Peter Griffin : Yes, those bastards have ruined everything. The same way the Village People ruined whatever gathering of a cop, an Indian chief, and a construction worker.

Peter Griffin : What do yous think, mom, is that the most cute helpmate you've ever seen?

Helpmate : I honey it!

Bride'southward Mother : Oh, it'southward but so much money.

Peter Griffin : It's true. It's true. Accept the dress off, sweetheart. Your female parent says you tin't have it.

Helpmate'southward Mother : W-Await, wait, wait a minute. Do you really love it?

Bride : I do. It just feels similar my nuptials dress.

Peter Griffin : Oh, mom, she loves information technology.

Helpmate's Mother : Okay. Nosotros'll take information technology.

Lois Griffin : [coming downstairs] Peter, what is that girl doing in my hymeneals dress?

Peter Griffin : [itch under the dress's hem] She gone?

Bride : No.

Peter Griffin : Okay, well, while I'm down here, let me give you my card. There you lot go.

Peter Griffin : Oh, hey, Joe. What's going on?

Joe Swanson : Peter, I'm afraid I'm here to shut you down. You're running an unlicensed business, and that'due south against the law.

Peter Griffin : Aw, that is such bullcrap.

Joe Swanson : Well, you tin't fight Metropolis Hall.

Peter Griffin : Oh, we'll meet about that!

[leaving and coming back beaten upwards]

Peter Griffin : Metropolis Hall knows karate.

Peter Griffin : Watch out there, Brian. Looks like the floor is wet.

Alan : [passing by] Excuse me. I'm kind of in a hurry.

[slipping on the h2o puddle]

Alan : Ahhh! Son of a bitch!

Peter Griffin : Oh, my God! Are you okay?

Alan : I'g sorry. I've been a bit distracted lately. I remember my wife has been crossing the street with another homo.

Alan's Married woman : [outside, crossing the street with some other generic-sign effigy] God, I hope Alan doesn't discover out.

Lois Griffin : Peter, what are you doing?

Peter Griffin : I'g just puttin' up my new sign.

Lois Griffin : Don't put that affair on our door. If you want to hang information technology somewhere, hang it in the basement.

Peter Griffin : Oh, why? And then you can pig it while you're doing laundry? No way.

Lois Griffin : Peter, we're not a business.

Peter's Customer : [coming in] Hey, I saw your sign. So, you're open?

Peter Griffin : That's right.

Peter'due south Customer : What do y'all practice?

Peter Griffin : What exercise yous need?

Peter's Client : Milk.

Peter Griffin : We have milk.

Peter Griffin : Good Tea Party morning, anybody!

Brian Griffin : Peter, you lot joined the Tea Party?

Peter Griffin : That'south right, Brian. I finally got something better to practise with my Saturdays than sit down at the mall and sentinel Japanese girls laugh at normal conversation.

Peter Griffin : Hey, Mort, what's this thing?

Mort Goldman : Oh, that? That'due south my "Come in! We're open" sign.

Peter Griffin : What'due south that, like an iPad?

Mort Goldman : No, it's a sign.

Peter Griffin : Wish I had one of those.

Mort Goldman : I've got a whole box of 'em. Take information technology. It'south yours. No accuse.

Peter Griffin : Ugh, typical Jew.

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2040798/characters/nm0532235

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